I am a mass murderer...

...of bugs -- don't get too excited.

I try to live in a way that minimizes harm to other sentient life-forms; I've been a vegan for longer than most people have been alive. I even trap rats in the garden, and return them to the wild. But these bugs... jeez.

Squadrons of flying bugs had taken over my tool-shed. I could scarcely even get into it. Just getting the lawnmower out was a mission. The air was so thick with bugs that I couldn't even breath without inhaling them. There were crawling over every surface, in every box and compartment. They blocked the light from the windows. When I tried to get into the shed by taking a deep breath and covering my face, they flew into my clothes. My skin crawled for hours afterwards.

I put up with them for two months, thinking that eventually nature would take its course, and they'd either starve or move out, seeking alternative accommodation. They did neither: every day, they got thicker and thicker.

And it was party time for spiders, as you might imagine. I've got used to a spider or two in the tool-shed, but now they were everywhere. The place was thick with webs, like Shelob's lair. Ugh.

I agonized over it for days but, in the end, with great reluctance, I bought a bunch of fumigation candles.

The next day, the floor was carpeted with dead bugs. They crunched underfoot when I walked. I'll be hearing that sound in my nightmares. I swept up their carcases in great bucket-fulls. I had to take out and shake every box and container. I imagine I'll be finding dead bugs for months to come.

I still don't know where they all came from. I'm not sure I want to.

So I've reclaimed my tool-shed, but at the cost of thousands, if not millions, of innocent lives. I don't even like to think what that will do for my karma. I'm sure I'll be a bug in my next life.

But at least in what remains of this one, I'll be able to use my gardening tools.

Published 2026-03-03, updated 2026-03-03

I am a mass murderer...

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